So I almost walked out today...

It took a talking to from my 'good' manager, and a phone call to my dad in tears to talk me out of it.

All because Travis was running his fat mouth, making immature underhanded comments again.

When I DO walk out of that store, im going to raise bloody hell.

Im gunna wait for the busiest day of the week...

Put ex-lax in his drink...

Take a bunch of store surveys with me...

And walk out the front door whilst yelling in front of the customers that its his fat mouth that causes EVERYONE to walk out on him...and that he cant even seem to spell my fucking name right...He never owns up to any mistakes....If something is wrong it HAS to be someone else's fault.

Then Im going to call in one survey every single day until my stack runs out, and give the store the lowest possible rating it can get.

I found out yesterday, that I work the 3rd most hours out of every associate in the store, and I get paid the least out of EVERYONE. Not one other person in the store gets paid as low as I do. Even the teenagers who live at home with mommy and daddy who JUST STARTED get paid more than me.

That makes me so sick I cant see straight.


However aside from the unholy hell at work and the anger coursing through me because of it, I actually feel very very loved by all my friends.

Libby and Eby came for food, then they kidnapped me.

Talwyn came in yesterday and made funny faces at me before leaving.

Libby came in again today before leaving too.

I like it when people remember I exist. Small gestures make all the differance sometimes. Thats all it takes...One smile from someone I actually care about and the bad day stops for a few minutes.

Thanks guys X3

Concert got canceled.

Mark has to work and he never bothered to tell me that he sold the tickets to a friend. I didnt know until I asked. I shouldve known it was too good to be true.

...Thats the third time I will have missed 3DG now.

Ive gone and blocked Mark from my instant messenger. He's always busy, and its blatantly obvious that he's dating a whole handfull of other stupid girls.

I dont need anyone like him wasting my time.

This sucks. I hate people. I hate TRUSTING people. Its all a waste of my time...I may be lonely on my own, but at least I dont cry over worthless people that way.

Im sick of having plans canceled on me, or fucked up at the last minute by EVERYONE.

I could make a god damned list right here and now. I hate making plans with other people. Somebody always has to go and fuck it up..and then that leaves ME stranded.

For a Friday, it wasnt too bad today.

The only truely exhausting part was the fact that Travis has hired a bunch of n00bs..and one of them was working this morning.... I had to babysit him all day =_=

'Do this, dont do that..Do this like that, nonononono!dontdothat!' etcetcetc... And whenever he got done with one thing, he would come to me to give him something else to do...

...Im so used to working by myself all day, I wasnt sure what to tell him. Cuz all the things that needed to be done are normally my job..

Every time he asked, It took me a few minutes to find something he could do.

hfdhgfhgfjhgfjhfjhf

N00bs make me realize just how well I do my job though..I hate sounding like some kind of ego tripping bitch or something...But...

It really does make me feel proud. I remember when I sucked like Zack..and I didnt know what to do..or where anything was...or how things were supposed to be done.

Tonight my dad is coming here and we're gunna go get chinese.

Tomorrow is WTFBBQ with Talwyn.

My hours got cut cuz of all the n00bs. Next week I'll actually have time to form a coherent thought..Its...odd.

Also, I have gauze pads and masking tape wrapped around my feet. I hurt.

....There are already 3 orders up that are due before 11:30...

Ive been awake since 5am tossing and turning.

Kill me now.

I wont bother to say how much work sucked today. Just know that it did. It was a total nightmare...Though what days of the week ARENT like that anymore?

One good point is that Triala is back from maternity leave. She came in tonight and I only saw a glance of her profile...I was trying to figure out who it was..I was all like "New person?? I dont know anything about a new GIRL. I thought all the new people were guys o.O...Its not Whitney..or Donnae..Or-" and then she turned around and looked back at me where I was standing with a kind of "Hay i know you!" expression and I got all excited.

I went 'HEEEEEYYYYYYYYY~~!!!' And she came back and gave me a big hug. Ive missed working with her so much. Im glad she's back.

I demanded pictures of her baby girl, but she didnt have one with her.

Tomorrow im off..and I plan to spend the whole day hunting for a new job.

I want desperately for there to be a change somewhere...Something drastic...Im getting extremely bored living the same life over and over again every day. Get up, go to work, come home in pain, sleep...Get up..go to work...come home in pain...etcetc..

I want to get out of Indiana. I want...a family..A home, not just a place to live...I want a job that pays enough for me to support myself..I want a change of scenery...

But above all..I just want to not be bored anymore..I dont look forward to waking up a lot because im so incredibly un-enthused about day-to-day living anymore...Its so annoying.

Also, these headaches and back ache are taking over my life. When am I ever going to get well again so I can LIVE. I dont want to think of LAUGHING as a chore to avoid because it ends up hurting and making me miserable. I want to be able to go to the fair, and lay down on my carpeted floor, or sew...or even just be AWAKE without my head throbbing and hurting and just radiating pain and misery...For the love of god..I want this to stop.

So..im still getting emails from people needing rooms on the acen forums..and I just got one from a complete douche bag. I gave him a simple "no thanks" and that was it. I refuse to share a room with someone in person, who makes me want to punch them in the face over the internet

"hello my name is chris and i might be interested in the room thing... my wife and i need a room and are looking for some room mates.. we will need friday and saturday night. and a bed (we both only need 1 bed, if im paying half im not sleeping on a floor.) you and your friend can share unless your homophobes...lol but anyway im 24 and she is 21 it will be our second year. and we both plan on dressing up..we will be out and about most of the time, but will defiantely need to store all our junk.. last year we had 7 in 1 room talk about packed!!!
well please write back so i know what you both think. i have a couple other room offers we are going for to so we are seeing who has a good deal
thanks

chris"

Good luck finding a bed, buddy. You're no more entitled to bed space than anyone else you're going to encounter. And you arent paying "half" if i SAID in my little classified add that i already had other people in the room. Oh and btw...I currently have 7 people..lawl!

ugh..ass hole...

why do people suck so much sometimes? Why..why..why...I just got charged out the nose at the pose office...the girl that im rooming with for acen has dissapeared..when she was so EAGER to hand me money just last week...and the mods on DoA have told me that I cant post up my story after working so hard on it....They told me to post it to condoll or LJ...but both of those are dead...Im depressed about it....I cried..i worked SO hard to make it all just right and was so excited to show it off to everyone..and I cant show it to anybody now...Its so depressing...

Im feeling very down today...and its not like i dont have a reason...i have 3...oh and my mom refuses to take me to any other doctor for a differant opinion because insurance wont pay for it if we do that. So I get to go see the surgeon ive had all along..and listen to them continue to lie to me while I scar up and heal like shit....so..there you have it...I cant do anything about SHIT until its too fucking late and i dont HAVE another choice...My mom says we can see another doctor after this is all over if it still looks bad...She doesnt seem to be able to grasp the concept of healing...Im going to heal the way i look now and STAY that way unless I go to a doctor that will tell me some truth...Sometimes my mother makes me want to just claw my eyes out. Why is she so STUPID..WHY??? Why do i have to let people walk all over me just like they do to her because i dont have a choice..

Dear mommy:

I have a backbone..I am not a doormat like you. Stop dragging me down with you.

God this day needs to be over...Im so tired of this shit...

Does anybody want to do anything later if you have the time? Aya? movie night? Something...someone?...for something?... anything?...iunno...

so these past few days ive been pretty damn unlucky.

ive dropped and broken 2 plates...one of which was my favorite..

ive gotten caught in a random power outage that came out of nowhere..alone.

Ive gotten shocked on my kitchen lightswitch.

my hot water faucet is frozen solid..

ive broken 1 of 2 of my favorite bowls...after it EXPLODED IN THE MICROWAVE..

my internet got fucked up because it got caught in the power outage..

what the hell else could possibly go wrong?? This is rediculous...

Its times like this that im obscenely happy that i collect lanterns. The power went out a while ago...it flickered on and off twice before I had a chance to even shut down my computer.

Firefox isnt working..so im on IE right now...I dont have any of my bookmarks and no tabs..IE sucks balls..

but anyway...so i was just sitting miserable as a clam..and then BOOM power go outty..and scares the shit out of me...

So I shut down my computer...grab Kodona..and go dive under the blankets fully dressed to wait it out. I gave it about a half hour and then tried to turn on the light above my bed...didnt work..

im not sleepy..so I said fine..screw it..and I got up and started pulling out my collection of lanterns so at least i wasnt going bonkers in the dark by myself being stupidly paranoid.

At first I was a bit scared to turn them on...but it was either..a bit of light and a lot of shadows...or pitch. black. nothingness.

I also managed to give myself a nice big shock on my kitchen light switch...a big one..like...motherfucking OW that burns type shock.

I dont know what happened..or why the power went out...I dont know whats going on outside....but im already creeped out...I dont have the nerve to go look out the window...I hate windows at night...

*sigh* ....wheeeee....this is just fan bloody tastic i tell ya...

i suppose i should be glad though that i wasnt playing Zelda or something...no information to be lost..

and to think..i was considering playing Siren...dear jesus am I ever glad i didnt do it..if the power had gone out during that im sure i wouldve screamed..or cried..or called 911...meh..what a night..

yanno..i understand that im in the minority here. Big fat party night turned into big fat tabletop RPG night..i was the only one who didnt want to...didnt know how to...had never even SEEN a tabletop game before.....and had zero will to learn to play.....so I bit my tongue and sat on my boredom..I understand that I cant expect anyone else to entertain me when im the only one who doesnt want to play.

Im not going to sit and say "i dont want to play...everybody put it away and find something else so i dont have to be by myself" ..sorry..cant do that...So rather than break up the happy fun times because Im sitting by myself bored to death over in the corner..then I just came home...its just easier that way...id rather not ruin everybody else's good time by just sitting there staring off into space sighing..Had I known that it was going to be some big RPG event...I wouldve brought something else to do to entertain myself...my ipod..a drawing pad...something...but i didnt...i thought about it..but i talked myself out of it before I left because i didnt count on needing it.

Im not mad...Im just really really dissapointed that Im home alone again when i finally..for ONCE..was invited to be with everyone else...especially when it makes me so sad..that im hardly ever included in the big group outings like that...THATS what i think sucks..is that I had my chance...but I gave it up to come home and sit by myself while everyone else is out having fun without a care in the world...

Im not mad this time....Im just really really sad...

*sigh* its only 9pm and im bored out of my skull.

This sucks..

that and I can hear my neighbor's porno through the wall...its what woke me up from my nap actually.


if any of you out there dont think im nearing a murderous temper right now..you dont know me very well..

My mother is a bitch. a fucking whiney little BRAT.

She just called to let me know that Diane was going to be taking me to my doctors appointment and I asked her if she had bothered to tell her not to start shit with me..

Because I cant get along with Diane to save my life..and im not ALWAYS the one who starts shit with her...she's just a sad pathetic old woman who likes to pick petty fights with people..

and my mom did this whole..jekyl and hide thing and got all angry and started yelling at me for NO reason..right out of the complete blue going "YES I TOLD HER DONT WORRY! NEITHER OF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SPEAK ALRIGHT?? IS THAT OK WITH YOU??"

...I was in a perfectly good mood until she did that..I wasnt being mean..or bitchy..I was talking to her all nice and happy and for NO REASON she just snapped like a fucking bi-polar monkey and kept going on and on that way. We were both talking to eachother perfectly calm-like and she just fucking SNAPPED.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

So we bitched at eachother and hung up....I gave it some time and called her back to appologize even though for ONCE i hadnt done ANYTHING...and she STILL didnt care..

her co-worker answered the phone and handed it off to her..and when my mom picked it up..she just went "WHAT" instead of saying hello like a normal person..

I bit my tongue...said i was sorry..and she fucking started MOCKING ME!! she said "Oh dont worry honey..everything is juuust fine" just cooing at me like a baby...I called to appologize and shes fucking MAKING FUN OF ME!!

how am I supposed to react to that???? She's my MOTHER for chrissakes! And so then i was even more pissed than I was before and I fucking TOLD her that I had called to appologize..and I was in a perfectly good mood from the start until she SNAPPED like some kind of loon.

And she mocked me AGAIN... going "Oh..I see..Mhmm..." like she was actually listening but she was just being nasty again...

So i gave up...hung up..and now IM in a fucking bad mood. I dont know what happened...I really truely dont...What. The. FUCK!! Seriously!!

It sucks so bad sometimes..because my mom and I...we've obviously got some shit to work out...but she doesnt care becasue Im 21 now...So according to her..its too late to patch this kind of crap up. She doesnt care..

She blows me off every time I tell her I want to work on this stuff..saying "well you're an adult now..what differance does it make"

so what...Im 21 and that means that Ive been banished to fight with my mom like this until the day she fucking keels over and DIES??

THATS NOT FAIR!!

teehee..sakhmet went home to michigan with my wallet in her pocket XD; Oops.

well at least this way i cant use my debit card and spend money i shouldnt be spending until i get it back~

and LJ:

you suck..really and truely..for 2 days my friends list hadnt updated..and this morning i thought it was getting increasingly odd that out of 46 people and several busy communities..NOBODY had said a word for like...2 days..

So I hit F5...did a hard refresh..and I got flooded with 2 pages of updates from people that hadnt been showing up.

Six Apart needs to go die..and stop "improving" things...

BUTTFUCK??

NO THANK YOU MR. POSTMAN!!

I officially hate you, you BASTARD! No more waving at YOU in the mornings!

He fucking came to my door, left the package slip, knocked and ran off. Fucking peice of shit!

It took me 5 seconds to answer the door and he was GONE~

And i may or may not get the package back today..because if its in the back of his truck..then he probably wont be back from delivering mail until 4:30 or 5.....Post office closes at 5:30...

asshole...you picked the wrong day to mess with me you stupid fuck off.

so i got my hair cut and highlighted today.

Its cute but its really super short. I look like a dyke....from the 90's...>_>

I also went to the doctor and had the gauze pads that were sewn on removed. Gotta go back next week and have the rest of the ordeal finished....because some stuff was glued to my skin and the only way to get it off is to pull like a mad monkey..so no. Next week.

The nurse and I also got to talking about dolls...and of course teh resin lovelies were brought into it. She demanded I bring one with me next week...so..Dakota's going to the boob doctor with me. Why him? because he's got the most done by me. Clothes, eyelashes, jewelry, face etc...and it would be an all in one 'show-off' package with him...

My mom has a job interview tomorrow. If they pay her what she needs, and they offer benifits then she'll go through with it..otherwise its not gunna be worth her time or effort so she's gunna pass it up..I hope that this will work. Hope and pray. She needs it to work. The pet hospital isnt doing anything for her...Litterally.

Ive had a really short temper with people lately and on some small level..I just really dont give a shit. Some people need to just pull their thumbs out of their asses..and others need to just shut the hell up...others are just plain annoying.

Ive appologized where its neccesary..but otherwise i just dont really care..People all over the place have just been sawing away at my nerves and im tired of just sitting on my frustration and how people piss me off about things..

Im just in a cranky assed piss poor mood lately...rarely has anyone caught me in a conversation recently and NOT caused me to snap for some un known reason. I dunno what my problem is...

oh well..when its over its over i guess.

....I left ONE yard of sewing fabric out yesterday..and had it sitting on a shelf away from the cats....And when I came home from the doctor's today BOTH of my cats had climbed onto the dresser and were blobbed on top of the fabric.

...Brats...

There WOULD be 6 inches of fucking snow right when i CANT be outside crawling around on my hands and knees in it with 2 dolls and a camera..

God dammit >_

So rabbit just woke up not-sleeping and covered in a thin layer of sweat and grossness.

No thanks! =D

Im awake now..T_T

gauze sucks...

stitches suck...

phones suck...

*takes a vicodin*

sunlight sucks...

PAIN sucks...

sleeping on your back sucks...

bruises suck...

being awake at 10:30 on a saturday because you've got nothing better to do SUCKS...

edit: and the taste of pills SUCK...blegh

Dear telemarketers: Plz mke fist and cram it up ur @$$ 'kay??

I swear to god these stupid fucks might actually make some sales if they realized who they were calling.

a) i do not have a morgage
b) I do not own a home. I live in an apartment
c) why would you start a recording with "hey guys! =D" ...just how many GROUPS of people have you had clammoring to answer a single phone call and huddle over the reciever in pure giddy excitement over being chosen for a morgage discount???

FUCK YOU! And revise your fucking recording you morons. I am not a guys. i am a single person. It takes ONE person to answer a fucking phone call..not "the guys"

~~

Today at work was probably the most boring, NOT busy day since ive STARTED there...3 hours and ONE fucking order to make..

Tomorrow I was supposed to get off at 2..But they asked me to stay until 5 since they're moving pretty much the ENTIRE staff around on the schedule to cover my shift over these 8 weeks.

I dont know WHAT they think they're gunna do once Trialla leaves for materity leave. They're scraping along by the skin of their teeth already with just ME gone o.O..

I also got invited to Trialla's baby shower today. Thats the first time anyone has ever bothered to invite me to something like that. Im glad she likes me well enough to invite me along.

Its nice to have made so many friends at Donotos. At the daycares..I wasnt friends with ANYONE..they were all cranky, worn out soccer moms..I just didnt see eye to eye with those people..it was kinda lonely..

I like working with people my age. How can I NOT?? every day I go in..and its just like hanging out with a bunch of friends. Its great!