So...as if things couldnt get any better, I wrote a note to the lady who owns the Cafe at the gym..they're just about to open, and last I heard she was hiring. I left the note on the desk with the rest of the memos for the secretary to hand out to the appropriate people. It said ANGIE across the front, since thats the lady's name.
My boss opened it, and now is asking me if this means im putting in my notice. This pisses me off SO fucking bad. Her name is not ANGIE...Its SARAH. The note was. not. for. her. Great...so now my current boss knows I want to quit, all because she read a note that wasnt for her.
HOW CAN THINGS GET ANY WORSE????? HOW! HOOOOW!!
I've decided that I hate my job with a flaming passion. Its like a punishment job. Its like somebody came up to me and said "YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE! Scrub these floors! And the windows! And the tables! Then polish all the metal, dust EVERY SURFACE! Scrub the showers! Mop the floors...then when you're done with that, take out the trash, fill these bottles and clean these 125 machines! NOW!!"
I keep thinking, that if I can get through it today, I'll live. But its not a punishment..Because I have to go back the next day and do every. single. bit of it all over again. THERE'S NOTHING TO CLEAN!! There is NO dust, NO dirt, and NO clutter..the place is fucking spotless and the clock seems to be ticking backwards.
I've been so miserable lately. Ever since my mom and I had our big huge gigantic screaming match the other day, we havent really spoken to eachother...Any time we have, we just call eachother foul names, curse, yell and hang up again. My cats are at the old house hiding from the landlord...I havent seen them in 4 days. I miss my Buggy SO much...It makes me want to cry...I want him to come home now.
I've got no hot water here at the apartment, and no money for doing laundry...My dad is picking me up after work so we can drive a half hour to his house just so I can wash my work clothes, and take a bath. Its so stupid that we have to go through all that just for a little hot water and laundry detergent. *sigh*
I've been lonely lately...Like...REALLY REALLY depressed...I want to do something for halloween so bad...But I dont have a soul in the world to do anything with. I dont HAVE any friends here...Not one. I have nobody I can talk to that I trust, nobody to give me hugs, or act like they care....I keep putting off updating my journal because I know nobody here gives a flying rats ass about anything I bother to type up. I get so jealous, and bitter towards people on my friends list who fucking SNEEZE and they have like....10 people tripping over themselves to say 'bless you' and offer their moral support. It must be nice. In my last friends cut, I deleted 21 people, and only ONE has taken me off their friends list. So the rest of them....they're either stubborn, or they have no idea that I cut them because they havent checked. So I guess I was right to cut so many....
I have Sakhmet as a friend...a damn good one too..but she lives in Michigan. Katie, my friend at work just moved back to Illinois on Friday...Michael is gone. My mom is a bitch. And I dont trust anyone else within a 50 mile radius of me.
Im still depressed over Michael..I just dont get it. Why would he waste my time like that. Everything was going so well...I cant understand what more he would need to be able to love somebody. I dont think I ever met somebody I liked as much as him. I really really thought I had it right that time. I just dont get it. I cant do any better. Am I just...unlovable? Nobody wants me??
I keep seeing these people on TV....freaks of nature who have husbands. Deformed midgets, women who weigh 800 pounds and cant move, women who are missing entire parts of their body....People who have been arrested for murder, or rape...and people with every mental disorder you can think of...from A to Z....They all have families...And loved ones...Am I just the biggest outcast on the planet? The most unlucky person in the world??
I think there's a point in life where if you dont already HAVE friends left over from childhood, then you're SOL...Because with work, and life, and families....once you get to be past college age, you dont have TIME to go meet people, and build strong trusting bonds...You cant go out to a bar and get drunk every night...There's no time for dating or loving, or learning all about new people....I dont have a single friend in the world right now. Sakhmet doesnt count because I cant go to her when I need a hug..And even if I could, she'd punch me in the nose before I could lay a hand on her. *sigh* ....I want a friend.
The ulcer in my stomach is still there. And it hurts like hell. Its setting my back on fire. Maybe I should just...let it destroy me...stop taking the pills to heal it and just let it kill me or something.
I slept yesterday..I had a whole big GIANT list of things to do and I just...slept...long hard DEEP sleep too..not just that naptime rest to pass the time type sleep. I woke up at 7PM and about had a heart attack because I thought I was late for work.
Im thinking about getting a puppy. I dont. need. another. animal. in my apartment..but maybe the time spent training a puppy, will keep my mind off of life...and it'll be another furry little body in my bed at night to help me fall asleep...and not feel so alone.
It's something to look forward to..when I come home from work and there are faces standing at the door waiting to greet me. Sometimes when I go out, I leave the TV on so I can come home to a lived-in environment.
Ever since that one year Ami came to visit for Christmas, seeing the bathroom light on reminds me of people being here...I dont like to leave that light on. It depresses me when I realize that im all alone. I cant explain the differance between that and the TV..but there is one. Maybe I just get distracted by whatever's on TV and forget about being sad or something...I dunno.
Well...back to work now....*sigh* I dont want to go.....
I think something is wrong. My stomach and back have been hurting way waaaaaaaay WAAAAY more than usual over the past day...I just ate something and now I feel dizzy, my back hurts worse, and I feel like im gunna be sick. I dont think this is going to end well...
Hit me again. I like it.
There's a leak in the hot water pipes here at the apartment complex somewhere. They cant find it. I just got a letter in the mail today, giving me LESS THAN 24 HOURS NOTICE that they'll be coming into every apartment tomorrow to bang on pipes.
I have 2 cats that arent paid for ($200 fine each if I get caught) not to mention their catbox and cat food, and cat toys and cat food that I have to find somewhere to hide. I have dirty laundy, and food, and messes from one end of the place to the other....I dont. want. them. in here. And I am absoloutly livid that I dont even get a whole day's notice before they get to come stomping through.
I just spent 8 hours cleaning up after a bunch of apes at a gym, I dont wanna come home and do more cleaning...Especially when the ulcer in my stomach is acting up, and making my back ache to the point where my hands are shaking.
Oh and btw, I have 10 bills that are unpaid, but if I spend a single cent, then I wont be able to afford my rent. I have to order new checks because my old bank got bought out, and I plain old DONT HAVE THE MONEY.
My next paycheck on the 10th of November is supposed to cover bills...but some of these are already WEEKS past due..Im fucked. Royally. I dont even know where to begin. My debit card is locked up for the next 24 hours while my bank switches services, I have no checks, I have money in my wallet that I absoloutly without a doubt MUST. NOT. SPEND...
Im going to have an army of filthy workers in my apartment tomorrow, at god knows what time...and I wont be home for it. I have cat stuff and laundry to pick up for the rest of the night... I have BRUISES on my heels from standing up all day..and my back aches enough to make me want to scream.
Please for the love of GOD..something. has. to give! PLEASE!
Best soup at the world, must be cooked at 2:30 in the morning for optimal taste:
I can chicken broth
1 and 2/3 cups water
1 spoonful of butter
1 and a half big carrots
3 small celery stalks
half a spoon of minced garlic
2 tablespoons of soy sauce
handful of thin spaghetti
Put butter, water, broth, garlic, veggies, and all seasonings into a pot. Bring to a boil, add spaghetti. Cook until spaghetti is done. Eat.
Today was..BAD....My mom and I had a great night last night talking on the phone while we watched SAW at our respective houses..I was excited that she liked it and was having fun talking on the phone with her about it, chattering like, yanno....friends.
Today was 100% pure. hell. I had a doctor's appointment and it allll started when we were about to leave...(which btw, I have an ulcer from the asprin I've been taking to control my migranes..since its the only option I have left...)
We then fought, and screamed and yelled at the top of our lungs in the middle of parking lots for the rest of the day...I was crying, and screaming...She was screaming, and pounding her fist on things...She hit me, and I hit her back..it was just awful...I flipped out numerous times, and worked myself into quite litterally a murderous rage...staring down random passers by and being all all around loose cannon.
On the way home from the store, my mom and I didnt say a work to eachother. Just fought over the dashboard controls while she drove.
I havent been this hommicidal in quite a while. I warned her that I would fucking punch her if she didnt shut. up...and its a miracle I didnt..because that just made her screech louder.
I was supposed to give her money to help with my rent, but in the end, I withdrew money for myself...told her 'too damn bad' and am just gunna find a way to pay it myself now.
Today was horrid. Absoloutly the worst scenario that possibly could've happened. I'm so sick of fighting with her...I know its never gunna stop..I wish one of us would DIE so it would stop...I cant stand this anymore. Forget it.
Im gunna have to call my dad to ask me to help with some bills too, since my mom went absoloutly batshit insane today and I dont WANT her to help me...I feel so bad for my dad...He had to put up with my mom doing this shit to him..which is part of the reason they split..and now I dont have any other choice but to follow in her footsteps, and go asking him for money...I wish I didnt have to...I dont want my dad and I to end up like he and my mom..or my mom and me....I need him. I need a sane parent. I do...I need somebody...
Comments are disabled so none of you have to strain yourselves trying to leave a comment for me...I did it with YOU in mind...Doesnt that make you happy? <3
SO on top of having some sort of animal in my ceiling scratching around...I also have no hot water, and a drippy noise in the (hallow) support beam right above my head.
Im almost afraid to turn on the heat..Not only will it be 90 degrees the next day if I decide to turn it on...but im afraid that a fireball of dust might explode from it...or set my bed on fire..one'a the two....
YOU take an ice cold shower without laying a finger on the cold water faucet and then lets see how you feel...
I put cinnamon and vanilla extract into my hot chocolate this morning. Its got a very spicy, seasonal taste to it. Very delicous..its the only thing keeping me
sane warm right now.
Also, I know nobody gives a shit..so i'll just pretend, but Buggy does this to me...step by step, bit by bit...EVERYTHING except the yanno...baseball bat.
Im in a horrible, depressed, weak, lazy mood. I dont want to go back to work..
Like...ever. Why is it that I hate every single fucking job I ever get. It's killing me...Im so depressed today...I just wish I had the time to sit, and just cry my eyes out...Cry until I fall asleep..but I cant yet...
Michael is gone...Lets just leave it at that...
There is also some sort of wild animal in the ceiling above my bed scratching around. Im guessing its either a raccoon, or a big rat...or maybe a possum..Iunno...Its not BOTHERING me...I just dont trust this building. I already have a hole on the floor in the corner of my apartment where they didnt measure the crown molding right. Im constantly getting bit on the feet by bugs that crawl in...Its gross..
The last thing I need is for a possum to come up through that hole, rape Buggy, and then maul me in my sleep. AINT HAPPENIN FOLKS!
Is what happens when you have to be at work at 5am. Pretty innit?
Can somebody with AIM tell me if you can see me online, or IM me...please? I cant figure out what the hell is going on..
I cant see a SINGLE solitary person on my flist online. So...im either the only shut in on the internet right now...or I have a lot less friends then I thought.
My name is mikisbunnyplush. Assistance would be greatly appriciated. Trillian, I hate you...
Silly me..what was I thinking...